What remains of dignity


It was a beautiful morning. After bitching about throughout the night on many mishaps of life, I decided to pursue my own end recklessly, determined. I did not read the next chapter in “Macrobius: A commentary to Somnium Scipionis”.

It was not mania, it was not despair. It was a cold, joyful readiness for meeting with death, the remnants of my dignity, not even to speak about honor that would be at stake, if I still had any left. I was not crying for help, nor sending signals, nor did I leave any death-notes, I simply was intent on one particular thing – to end my life in a beautiful way, by my own hand. I was done with psychological and psychiatric bullshit I’ve encountered years ago, during my last attempt, in fact it was reserved for sensitive people, otherwise they would psychiatrize and psychologize all retainers of the Japanese…

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Author: Grandtrines

Like so many people, I am a paradox. I am a politically conservative vegetarian. I am from a Christian background, and still tend to like those values, but am a metaphysical astrologer trained in science who has an interest in the magic of ancient Egypt and a weird belief that some piece of our essence can live on a server. I live in Texas, but like chatting with my international Wordpress pals the best. I learn by teaching. Technically, I am a "Leo," but I am very, very Aquarian with a dose of Scorpio. I bitterly complain about Algol (and Algol personaliites), yet it is the one star that defines me most (other than Regulus). (Which, oddly, makes me an Algol personality.) I am a reclusive lover of peace and quiet who has the Ascendant in the Via Combusta (the most conflict ridden part of the zodiac). I am an incredibly private person with a blog with over 800 followers and 50 to 150 regular daily visitors. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

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